(I actually worked on this on Wednesday night, but Blogger had some problems, and I could neither save nor post this when I was finished. Instead, I copied and pasted it onto a text document, and pasted it in here today. What you see here is what all I intended to post on Wednesday night. I had thought about adding more to it, but I'm too upset from having learned about an acquaintance's passing.)
I had Saturday night off, and while it was nice to see "The Dark Knight" on the big screen again (albeit in digital projection rather than 35mm), I can't help but feel like the night was disappointing overall.
Sunday through Tuesday at work were pretty crappy since way too many people were off. We only had one truck on Sunday, but we didn't get out until 1:30. We had two big trucks on Monday. We had a lot of temps help us. The temps who helped with the first truck were at least experienced with unloading, the temps who helped us with the second truck weren't. As if we didn't have enough to deal with, a manager that I've brought up before was yelling at us constantly. I'm sorry, but yelling at me isn't going to make me work even quicker, in fact it's probably going to make me slow down and tell you to fuck off. Despite only having one truck on Tuesday, she yelled at us again. I seriously hope she's not there on whatever day I determine to be my last working there, because I WILL tell her to fuck off then!
After finally getting a hold of somebody from the school that I applied to last week, I got my letter of acceptance today. Unfortunately, it seems that I've missed my Processing Deadline for Financial Aid for the Fall 2011 semester by a week! Oh well, guess I'll try for the Spring 2012 semester.
Today, I went to a little event in Louisville called Waterfront Wednesday, which is a concert series that my favorite local station, 91.9 WFPK, holds on the last Wednesday of every month during the Spring/Summer at Waterfront Park. In the seven years that I've been aware of it, this was my first time going. Excuses for not going in the past usually had to do with work, weather, or not knowing if anybody I knew was going to be there. I was really only interested in seeing the opening band, so I got there early, but some people I know from a local "dating" (formerly social networking) site were supposed to meet up between the first and second bands. I saw a few people I knew, but didn't see some of the others who were supposed to show up. I did see a few other people I knew. From about 7:30 on, it seemed more about trying to find people that I knew rather than just checking out the music, and I ceased to enjoy it, so I left before 9:00.
One of my friends on Facebook mentioned that the job search had fried his brain. A girl who works at Main ex-Employer commented with, "I'm assuming (Main ex-Employer) has been taken off the table of options...not enough $$$ for ya?" I had considered responding with some smart ass comment about the job search frying my brain, no thanks to a company that won't be named, but decided instead to bite my tongue and say, "I know the feeling." Because seriously, job searching does fry your brain!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Something's got to give.
I had a lot of thoughts last Friday, ranging from the personal to the national levels, that got me thinking that something's got to give. I know that "you've got to do what you've got to do" to support yourself, or especially your family if you have one, but where do you draw the line? I needed the job, but by working where I work, I almost feel like I'm supporting eroding wages. I hate how most people these days are happy to settle for slave wages, as if it has always been and always will be the norm. Some of these people are the same people who believe the bullshit being spewed from Talk Radio and Fox News, are angry at the wrong people, and elect the very people who are fucking them in the ass who are backed by the people who they should really be angry with. It's like, "Who cares if the people who are employing me are screwing me? American Idol is on!" Some people, like in Wisconsin, have woken up, but I wonder what it will take to wake the rest of the people up? If I were a much more charismatic person, I'd probably run for office and whip everyone up into a Populist frenzy. I'd possibly even run as a Republican, making Republican campaign promises, and then vote way Left when I actually get to office.
Due to my Auditory Processing Disorder, there are times when I really feel like screaming because I can't find the words that properly describe my thoughts or feelings, especially when the person I'm talking to seems to be having a different conversation from the one I thought I was having. I had a really frustrating conversation with my mom about the fact that I have this Saturday off because I wanted to go to my favorite theater's midnight showing of The Dark Knight. It started when my mom mentioned that she didn't know I was off today, and I told her that I had today and Thursday off, along with Saturday. Then she said, "Well, working is more important than a movie." As usual, wires got crossed, and we somehow got to talking about two different things. My taking Saturday off is really is about a lot more than just "going to a movie," the best way I can describe it is that it's about having some kind of work/life balance, a kind of "mental health day", though what I'm really thinking is much grander in scale. I don't know what she's thinking, but it's not like I'm calling in sick that day. I put in the time off request last month, the day has been approved, and there's not much I can do about it. If I try going in to work that day, the time clock won't let me clock in because it will just tell me that I'm not scheduled to come in that day. When I made the time off request, I figured that they would let me have that day off and have me work on one of my usual off days, rather than giving it to me along with my regular two days off, making a total of three days off. She also said, "You're gonna have to get used to workin', we won't be here forever." What am I really working for, anyway? I don't have a family to support, and with the way my social life and work schedule is going, it looks like I won't have to worry about it anytime soon. I figure that if I keep going on my current path, I'm probably going to end up living in a shack in the woods, and dying a lonely old hermit. The only thing I'm currently working for is my car, the same one that I've mentioned before that I almost sold two years ago, only to be talked out of it by my parents. I surely don't own that car, the car owns ME! I kind of need a car since I live too far from anywhere NOT to drive. I'll be glad when that s.o.b. is paid off next March.
The video is "Where Do Ya Draw The Line?" by Dead Kennedys.
Due to my Auditory Processing Disorder, there are times when I really feel like screaming because I can't find the words that properly describe my thoughts or feelings, especially when the person I'm talking to seems to be having a different conversation from the one I thought I was having. I had a really frustrating conversation with my mom about the fact that I have this Saturday off because I wanted to go to my favorite theater's midnight showing of The Dark Knight. It started when my mom mentioned that she didn't know I was off today, and I told her that I had today and Thursday off, along with Saturday. Then she said, "Well, working is more important than a movie." As usual, wires got crossed, and we somehow got to talking about two different things. My taking Saturday off is really is about a lot more than just "going to a movie," the best way I can describe it is that it's about having some kind of work/life balance, a kind of "mental health day", though what I'm really thinking is much grander in scale. I don't know what she's thinking, but it's not like I'm calling in sick that day. I put in the time off request last month, the day has been approved, and there's not much I can do about it. If I try going in to work that day, the time clock won't let me clock in because it will just tell me that I'm not scheduled to come in that day. When I made the time off request, I figured that they would let me have that day off and have me work on one of my usual off days, rather than giving it to me along with my regular two days off, making a total of three days off. She also said, "You're gonna have to get used to workin', we won't be here forever." What am I really working for, anyway? I don't have a family to support, and with the way my social life and work schedule is going, it looks like I won't have to worry about it anytime soon. I figure that if I keep going on my current path, I'm probably going to end up living in a shack in the woods, and dying a lonely old hermit. The only thing I'm currently working for is my car, the same one that I've mentioned before that I almost sold two years ago, only to be talked out of it by my parents. I surely don't own that car, the car owns ME! I kind of need a car since I live too far from anywhere NOT to drive. I'll be glad when that s.o.b. is paid off next March.
The video is "Where Do Ya Draw The Line?" by Dead Kennedys.
Monday, June 20, 2011
A surprise Sunday off
Saturday night was one of those horrible Two Truck nights, and to make matters worse, we were slightly understaffed. But anyway, I decided to check my schedule during lunch, and was relieved to find that I had next Saturday off. (Just a reminder, I had put in some Time Off Requests for all the Midnight Movie Saturdays in June and July, as well as Sunday the 19th for a private screening of a friend's movie.) When I finally clocked out for the night at around 1:45-ish, I felt compelled to check the schedule again, and realized that I actually did have Sunday off after all, so I was going to get to go to the screening.
My original plan for Sunday was to not leave until about an hour or so before the movie was scheduled to start, and I'd try to get a lot done at home. You know, stuff like blogging. I knew that wasn't going to happen when my mom asked me if I could go to town to get some food, plus someone on Facebook had mentioned that a Rockabilly band was playing at Willow Park, so I figured that would be something to do before the movie, and why not, seeing as this would probably be my only Sunday off until who-knows-when. With the exception of showering and shaving, I got absolutely nothing accomplished.
When I got home from getting the food, I saw some silly puppy dogs run up the driveway. They followed me to the front door, but I managed to get in without letting them in. My dad, who had been in his garage, accidentally let them in when he came in. Getting them out was a pain, and I think the cats were traumatized, but I found it totally hilarious.
The Sunday Summer concerts at Willow Park are usually a good time. They usually draw a good crowd, but it disappoints me that I don't see more people that I know at these things. After all, if you have a "normal" work schedule, it's a good way to spend the day before you go back to work on Monday. It's still kind of fun to see people dancing, or kids playing around. The vast majority of attendees are older folks and young families. Seeing the young families, I couldn't help but think that my parents never did anything fun with live music like that when I was growing up. Seeing the older folks, I thought that I hope I can find somebody to grow old with, and who'll go out to fun stuff like that with me when we get old.
I got to the theater really early, and saw somebody I knew from the Depression/Bipolar support group, he was going in to see 13 Assassins. If I remember correctly, he had asked me what I knew about it, and I mentioned that a friend of mine seemed to like it, and somewhere along the way it was mentioned that it was foreign, and when him and his friend realized that they might actually have to read subtitles, he was like, "I can't read subtitles", and then I guess they went to see if they could get their money back or see something else. They did come back in and ask me what I knew about the other movies showing, to which I knew little since I had no interest in the other movies that were showing. But them saying that they couldn't read subtitles pissed me off to no end. I never got to figure out if he meant he literally couldn't read subtitles, since he may have some mental issue with reading or something that I don't know about, or that he just didn't want to read them. As a hardcore movie geek, I really have a problem with people who don't like subtitles, or have some other idiosyncrasy like not liking Black & White movies.
All in all, it was an interesting day. What I did find disappointing though was that today was the first time I had seen a lot of people in a long time, yet I didn't get to talk to them near as much as I would've liked.
My original plan for Sunday was to not leave until about an hour or so before the movie was scheduled to start, and I'd try to get a lot done at home. You know, stuff like blogging. I knew that wasn't going to happen when my mom asked me if I could go to town to get some food, plus someone on Facebook had mentioned that a Rockabilly band was playing at Willow Park, so I figured that would be something to do before the movie, and why not, seeing as this would probably be my only Sunday off until who-knows-when. With the exception of showering and shaving, I got absolutely nothing accomplished.
When I got home from getting the food, I saw some silly puppy dogs run up the driveway. They followed me to the front door, but I managed to get in without letting them in. My dad, who had been in his garage, accidentally let them in when he came in. Getting them out was a pain, and I think the cats were traumatized, but I found it totally hilarious.
The Sunday Summer concerts at Willow Park are usually a good time. They usually draw a good crowd, but it disappoints me that I don't see more people that I know at these things. After all, if you have a "normal" work schedule, it's a good way to spend the day before you go back to work on Monday. It's still kind of fun to see people dancing, or kids playing around. The vast majority of attendees are older folks and young families. Seeing the young families, I couldn't help but think that my parents never did anything fun with live music like that when I was growing up. Seeing the older folks, I thought that I hope I can find somebody to grow old with, and who'll go out to fun stuff like that with me when we get old.
I got to the theater really early, and saw somebody I knew from the Depression/Bipolar support group, he was going in to see 13 Assassins. If I remember correctly, he had asked me what I knew about it, and I mentioned that a friend of mine seemed to like it, and somewhere along the way it was mentioned that it was foreign, and when him and his friend realized that they might actually have to read subtitles, he was like, "I can't read subtitles", and then I guess they went to see if they could get their money back or see something else. They did come back in and ask me what I knew about the other movies showing, to which I knew little since I had no interest in the other movies that were showing. But them saying that they couldn't read subtitles pissed me off to no end. I never got to figure out if he meant he literally couldn't read subtitles, since he may have some mental issue with reading or something that I don't know about, or that he just didn't want to read them. As a hardcore movie geek, I really have a problem with people who don't like subtitles, or have some other idiosyncrasy like not liking Black & White movies.
All in all, it was an interesting day. What I did find disappointing though was that today was the first time I had seen a lot of people in a long time, yet I didn't get to talk to them near as much as I would've liked.
Friday, June 17, 2011
6-16
Tuesday was my last visit to my psychiatrist. Her office is in Louisville, not too far from where I used to live. After my visit, I went to the area where I used to live to get some gas, food, and some coffee before I went to work. I was kind of surprised to find that the trip from there to my Mega Lo Mart was probably no longer than 20 minutes, a few minutes less than it takes me to get there from my home in BFE.
I was hoping to write more during the past couple of days, but it's pretty late and I don't feel like it. Hopefully I'll have something up soon.
I was hoping to write more during the past couple of days, but it's pretty late and I don't feel like it. Hopefully I'll have something up soon.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Some thoughts: June 8th edition
This was the first "good" week I've had since I started working at Mega Lo Mart. It makes me think that I actually wouldn't mind working there if they paid me at least $2 more per hour. Like any other job, there are little things that happen during the work day that annoy the piss out of me, but the work hasn't been so overwhelming that it makes me totally hate everything at the end of the night.
One of my favorite things about my days off is not having to wear my athletic shoes. Last November, I finally found a pair that fit me right, but they're not really breathable enough to wear during the Summer. I'd get me something similar with more mesh, but I can't exactly afford new shoes on my slave wages. If I must go out on my days off, I wear my Crocs Santa Cruz shoes. The best purchases I made from Main ex-Employer were three different pairs of them.
I called my psychiatrist's office today to try to reschedule my appointment for next Tuesday to something like the 23rd, a day where I'd likely be off and which happens to be a Pay Day. I was informed that she'll be closing the practice soon, and I wouldn't be able to reschedule since they're all booked up for the next five weeks, trying to get everybody's last visits with her in. I decided to keep my appointment. I'm less worried about myself than for my mom, who also sees her, since this means she'll have to look for a new psychiatrist. My mom seemed to like her, so I guess that I lucked out in that my first shrink was a good one.
Speaking of which, it's been a week since I took my last Lexapro, and I'm not feeling any overwhelming side effects.
Being an Anthony Weiner fan, I was pretty disappointed when I came home Monday night to find out that he had lied about the pics, and admitted that they were of him. Despite this setback, I think he should finish out his term. After all, if we have to put up with Tea Party Koch-suckers for another year and a half, then he might as well stick around. I figure this is just another distraction from REAL issues anyway, like Clarence Thomas not recusing himself from cases like Citizens United where he had a conflict of interest. It's amazing to think now that that son of a bitch got confirmed to the Supreme Court in the first place.
One of my favorite things about my days off is not having to wear my athletic shoes. Last November, I finally found a pair that fit me right, but they're not really breathable enough to wear during the Summer. I'd get me something similar with more mesh, but I can't exactly afford new shoes on my slave wages. If I must go out on my days off, I wear my Crocs Santa Cruz shoes. The best purchases I made from Main ex-Employer were three different pairs of them.
I called my psychiatrist's office today to try to reschedule my appointment for next Tuesday to something like the 23rd, a day where I'd likely be off and which happens to be a Pay Day. I was informed that she'll be closing the practice soon, and I wouldn't be able to reschedule since they're all booked up for the next five weeks, trying to get everybody's last visits with her in. I decided to keep my appointment. I'm less worried about myself than for my mom, who also sees her, since this means she'll have to look for a new psychiatrist. My mom seemed to like her, so I guess that I lucked out in that my first shrink was a good one.
Speaking of which, it's been a week since I took my last Lexapro, and I'm not feeling any overwhelming side effects.
Being an Anthony Weiner fan, I was pretty disappointed when I came home Monday night to find out that he had lied about the pics, and admitted that they were of him. Despite this setback, I think he should finish out his term. After all, if we have to put up with Tea Party Koch-suckers for another year and a half, then he might as well stick around. I figure this is just another distraction from REAL issues anyway, like Clarence Thomas not recusing himself from cases like Citizens United where he had a conflict of interest. It's amazing to think now that that son of a bitch got confirmed to the Supreme Court in the first place.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
No time for love, Dr. Jones! (Updated)
I thought about something last night that I wanted to blog about, and then forgot about it until I turned my computer off for the night. So, I'm mentioning it tonight. Anyway, it's funny to me when people ask me if I have a wife or girlfriend, and then are surprised to find out that I don't. It's like, I'm socially retarded, and only marginally good looking at best, so why would I be in a relationship? Of course most people aren't as cynical as I am, and I guess they believe that there's someone for everyone, or that everyone deserves love. I've actually met a few women lately who I'd like to go out with, but I don't have the time or the money for dating at the moment.
Hell, I work with a 20-year-old dude who is one of the biggest dorks I know, yet he has a fiancee. How does that happen? (Speaking of him, I was told tonight that a manager apparently refers to him and I as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum because she thinks we don't work or something. Whatever, she's not even there when we unload the truck, so fuck her. Hell, I probably got paid more before I got laid off from Main ex-Employer than she is now! Actually, that's probably an exaggeration, she probably makes more since she's Third Shift, but probably not a whole lot more.)
I mentioned in my last post that the funk that I had been feeling seems to have lifted. I'm thinking that it might be because I've weaned myself off the Lexapro. Whatever it is, I don't feel quite as down in the dumps, and I sure as hell don't miss the side effects of the Lexapro.
(Paragraph 2 was added on Sunday morning, June 5th.)
Hell, I work with a 20-year-old dude who is one of the biggest dorks I know, yet he has a fiancee. How does that happen? (Speaking of him, I was told tonight that a manager apparently refers to him and I as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum because she thinks we don't work or something. Whatever, she's not even there when we unload the truck, so fuck her. Hell, I probably got paid more before I got laid off from Main ex-Employer than she is now! Actually, that's probably an exaggeration, she probably makes more since she's Third Shift, but probably not a whole lot more.)
I mentioned in my last post that the funk that I had been feeling seems to have lifted. I'm thinking that it might be because I've weaned myself off the Lexapro. Whatever it is, I don't feel quite as down in the dumps, and I sure as hell don't miss the side effects of the Lexapro.
(Paragraph 2 was added on Sunday morning, June 5th.)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Hammer Smashed Nuts
Monday night actually wasn't too bad. We only had one truck, and were done and gone by 1:00. I probably wouldn't mind working there if I had more nights like Sunday and Monday.
Tuesday was almost as bad as Saturday. Two trailers of mostly loose freight. It's so much crap that we basically run out of room to stack it down before we're even half done. One of the two biggest obstacles was how one of the trailers had pallets in the front, then a lot of loose freight, then some pallets, and then some more loose freight in the back. The pallets from the second trailer were moved into the empty first trailer. While we were unloading the second trailer, a truck driver came by who was wanting to pick up the first trailer. Somebody ended up having to take the palletized freight out of the first trailer, and move it somewhere so the god damned truck driver could take the trailer. We're supposed to have the trucks unloaded by 8:00, but we also can't go to lunch any later than 8:59, so when we went to lunch we weren't even near done. After lunch, a bunch of us went ahead and took the stuff out to the floor, I did so because there wasn't anywhere to stack the freight down. I was so pissed off by then that I was about ready to smash people in the face, maybe even in the nuts. I think a couple of guys left between 1:00 and 1:30. At around 2:00, almost everything was done, and the two of us who were left didn't really know what stuff needed to be taken out and what didn't. I was like, "Fuck it", and we both left. The worst part of all this is that they seem to screw us the most on the days when our Zone Manager is off. He's a hard worker, and not annoying like some of the other people who've come in to supervise us when he's not there.
Pretty late on Tuesday night at work, one of my coworkers was told, and then told me, that we were expected to be on top of our game from the moment we arrive to the moment we leave. Seriously? I had been at it for five nights in a row, and my balls had been sufficiently busted by lunch time, there's no way I'm going to be at the top of my game on a night like that.
Also on Tuesday, I put in some time off requests for the nights that my favorite theater has their midnight movies so I can maybe have some work-life balance. I really miss the midnight movies.
Today has been a pretty good day off. I did a few chores (laundry, bathroom cleaning, resume updating) and finally shaved, but it's still been pretty chill for the most part. I don't seem to have that funk that I've been feeling for a while, either. The funk wasn't just something that happened on my work days, I was also feeling it on my two days off last week.
Tuesday was almost as bad as Saturday. Two trailers of mostly loose freight. It's so much crap that we basically run out of room to stack it down before we're even half done. One of the two biggest obstacles was how one of the trailers had pallets in the front, then a lot of loose freight, then some pallets, and then some more loose freight in the back. The pallets from the second trailer were moved into the empty first trailer. While we were unloading the second trailer, a truck driver came by who was wanting to pick up the first trailer. Somebody ended up having to take the palletized freight out of the first trailer, and move it somewhere so the god damned truck driver could take the trailer. We're supposed to have the trucks unloaded by 8:00, but we also can't go to lunch any later than 8:59, so when we went to lunch we weren't even near done. After lunch, a bunch of us went ahead and took the stuff out to the floor, I did so because there wasn't anywhere to stack the freight down. I was so pissed off by then that I was about ready to smash people in the face, maybe even in the nuts. I think a couple of guys left between 1:00 and 1:30. At around 2:00, almost everything was done, and the two of us who were left didn't really know what stuff needed to be taken out and what didn't. I was like, "Fuck it", and we both left. The worst part of all this is that they seem to screw us the most on the days when our Zone Manager is off. He's a hard worker, and not annoying like some of the other people who've come in to supervise us when he's not there.
Pretty late on Tuesday night at work, one of my coworkers was told, and then told me, that we were expected to be on top of our game from the moment we arrive to the moment we leave. Seriously? I had been at it for five nights in a row, and my balls had been sufficiently busted by lunch time, there's no way I'm going to be at the top of my game on a night like that.
Also on Tuesday, I put in some time off requests for the nights that my favorite theater has their midnight movies so I can maybe have some work-life balance. I really miss the midnight movies.
Today has been a pretty good day off. I did a few chores (laundry, bathroom cleaning, resume updating) and finally shaved, but it's still been pretty chill for the most part. I don't seem to have that funk that I've been feeling for a while, either. The funk wasn't just something that happened on my work days, I was also feeling it on my two days off last week.
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