Maybe I'm not so crazy after all?

There are a couple of higher-ups at work who absolutely drive me bonkers. I'm really glad that I don't have to work with them for an entire shift. Today wasn't a usual day at work. At one point, me and two other people asked our direct boss, who seems to be a decent enough guy, what we should do. He told us, and when we were on our way to do it, someone who is way higher up stopped us and asked us what we were doing, and when we told her, she was like, "No no no!", then told us there was something else that needed to be done, and to go get some scan guns and portable printers. So we go to the room where the scan guns and portable printers are, sign the stuff out, then she comes in and is like, "Forget it." Then she had us basically do what we would have been doing had she not stopped us, except she had the other person who drives me bonkers show us exactly how to do it. For some reason, Bonker #2 stopped during the middle of her explanation to tell us that we need to be more enthusiastic about something-or-other. It was really funny coming from this woman because she doesn't exactly ooze enthusiasm or perkiness. I couldn't help but think, "Where the hell did this come from?" We can only show so much enthusiasm when you have so many different people telling you to do so many different things.

2008

A few weeks ago, my brother and I were talking about how we couldn't believe it was already 2011, and that it felt like it should still be 2008. As I mentioned in The Saga Of The Past 3+ Years, 2008 was a pretty significant year for me. It was a horrible year, but almost fun compared to life since January 1st, 2009. I almost wouldn't mind doing it over again, except this time without the dying sister or the idiot President.

On a related note, My Morning Jacket is about to put out a new studio album, their first one since 2008's "Evil Urges". I feel like I should still be listening to "Evil Urges", or VHS Or Beta's "Bring On The Comets".

A quick one

Today was my first day getting to go to Louisville since April 30th, and it was pretty enjoyable. I went to the coffee shop to do some reading, then went to my favorite theater to see Thor. Then after getting something to eat, I went to visit my blog buddy Natalie. I'm looking forward to going to my group tomorrow, and trying not to think too much about going back to work on Wednesday.

Speaking of work, a customer on Saturday remembered me from the job I got fired from a year ago. He said that he quit about a week after I got walked out. It was always funny when I'd whine recently about not having a job, and people would tell me, "So-and-so" is hiring, to which I'd have to tell them, "Been there, got fired." If a place is almost always hiring, there's a good reason for why that is.

There's lots of stuff I've been wanting to write about, especially in regards to The Loudness War, but haven't had the time. I have a friend who is a teacher and an assistant manager at a movie theater, and still somehow finds time for hobbies, like making movies. Needless to say, he probably doesn't get a lot of sleep. I wish I didn't mind sacrificing sleep so that I could do all that I want to do, but I enjoy the bed too much.

Over and over again

I was hoping to post earlier today, but the site was acting all wonky. They must have been short of help or something since it's Mother's Day.

The last three days were sheer Hell. I think I've pretty much repressed the memories of the actual work, so I'm not going to dig them up here. I can say that there are some managers who I absolutely cannot stand. I'm also still reeling from the ex-coworker's engagement. I try, but I can't stop thinking about it, it's like that damn Nelly song, "Over And Over". I'm aware that that kind of thinking isn't healthy, and I'm afraid of turning into some Darth Vader-esque monster if I keep it up.

As if I wasn't miserable enough, I had some dizziness to deal with on top of all that, possibly due to the Lexapro. Some of the known side effects are Dizziness, weight gain, and increased blood pressure. When I started on Lexapro in 2009, I was taking 10 milligrams. It seemed to make me dizzy at times, mostly when I had to be really physically active. When I realized that the Lexapro was the most likely cause, I cut myself down to 5 milligrams, and felt better, or at least I got dizzy a lot less frequently. Today, I only took 2.5 milligrams. I've been wondering for a while if the supposed benefits of the medicine outweigh the real hassles of the side effects, and have considered slowly weaning myself off of it. I guess I should call my psychiatrist first, but I hope I won't have to make an appointment since I don't have much money at the moment. I'm afraid that she'll try to get me on some other kind of medicine instead of letting me try to get off antidepressants altogether. With the exception of withdrawals, I don't see how I could end up in any worse shape than I was five years ago before I started taking them. It should be noted that my general practitioner started me on antidepressants a year before I started seeing my psychiatrist, so my shrink really didn't get to know me when I wasn't taking them.

On a brighter note, the bridge that I pass on my main way to town is no longer flooded over, so I don't have to take the long way around. :)

We don't want the funk!

I've got today off, and will be working Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I had originally planned on going to Louisville and possibly seeing Todd Snider perform at Waterfront Park, but decided not to. I guess I was feeling too miserable to even make the drive. The weather turned out fairly nice, which makes it an even bigger shame that I didn't go anywhere. I can't stand the thought of not being anywhere but home or work for an entire week, but not going anywhere today means I have more money for gas and lunch. Oh, and I'll also get to see Thor on one of my days off next week! :)

Back in March, a friend referred me to a Depression/Bipolar support group that she had been going to. They have meetings on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm kinda bummed that I'll have to miss out on the meetings this week since I was scheduled to work on both Tuesday and Thursday. I was actually in relatively good spirits when I started going to the meetings, and didn't really "need" it so much as it gave me a reason to get out of the house, but I feel like I actually have been needing it these past few weeks since I've actually been down in the dumps. BTW, I'm not bipolar, just depressed.

I hate my job, or more like I hate that I'm working for "The Devil", and hate that I don't get paid enough for the kind of work I'm doing. And I'm forced to wear jeans, even if it's hot. There are a couple of things I like about it though:

1.I get an entire hour for lunch! That gives me time to eat and nap, though I haven't had any luck sleeping when I've tried to nap there. In fact I came closer to sleeping whenever I did the computer training. They really need some couches or something.

2.I don't have to go through a metal detector! If you've never had to go through a metal detector just to get in or out of work, consider yourself lucky.

That's all I can think of for the moment.

Post-Script to Many Happy Returns

I don't really even know why I'm so upset about the engagement. I'll always love her for being the only ex-coworker from "Main ex-Employer" to show up to my sister's visitation, but I'm not really as "in love" with her as I was even this time last year. I think I actually do know the reason why I'm upset, I'm just having trouble putting it into words, as I often do. I figure that the reason is pretty obvious, you'll figure it out, and will say it better than I could.

Many Happy Returns

Do you remember the ex-coworker I mentioned in paragraph 4 of  Love Stinks? Well, I just found out today that she's now engaged to the ogre. Kinda hurts. Between this and working at "Megalomart", I can't help but feel that my life might have been better today, or at least more interesting, had Main ex-Employer not laid me off. Who knows, if I had been working with her when "the window" opened, maybe she would've been with me, even for just a little while? Or, maybe I would've tried and struck out, then they would've ended up together anyway, in which case I'm not sure I could've stood to work there anymore.

Either way, Fuck My Life.