Saying good bye and good riddance to 40.

I only have a few days left before I turn 41. 40 has been the worst age ever. I've spent most of the year broke, broken, and alone. The only reason I'm still working at 'Steel Johnson' is because I'm too lazy to look for work, and I don't want to have to take a pay cut. Voluntary Time Off has been offered frequently, and I hate that place so much that it's hard to resist. Plus, while I accrue a good amount of vacation time now, the majority of it goes toward covering the VTO. I've been thinking lately that it might be worth taking a cut of a couple of dollars if I can get an eight-hour-a-day job, and can actually get forty hours in every week. So, I really should update my resume and start a job search.

I mentioned in my "Labor Day 2007" post that I've realized that I will always be a social reject. I really only hear from one person who isn't my roommate or family anymore. I spend entirely too much time wondering where I fucked up with some people. My theme song to this past year seems to be "Do You Still Love Me?" by Ryan Adams. What's funny about that is that a Facebook friend who I never met unfriended me pretty soon after I posted the video to that song. I figure it was because I didn't have a response to his comment about that being one of his favorite albums at the moment.

I actually unfriended one person that I was really good friends with 20+ years ago, since she made it clear that she really had no interest in hanging out with anyone outside her current circle of friends. She may have been under the impression that I wanted to date her, which wasn't the case. I just wanted to reconnect. I think she also forgot how much fun I can be to hang out with.

I figure that my whining about Depression might turn people off, but oh well. Maybe I'd be less depressed if I got to hang out with friends on a semi-regular basis, like I did back in 2014. I can't help but wonder though how many people I hung out with then really even care to hang out with me anymore, or if they just hung out with me because the structure of Louisville Mojo events meant that they HAD to hang out with me. It seems like my social life in Louisville is directly related to the health of the Louisville Mojo site. It's pretty much been brain dead for well over a year now, so I guess my social life will also be brain dead for the foreseeable future.

I don't know if I've mentioned my dealings with the IRS during the past couple of years, but I'm still fucking dealing with them. If I had known that some fuckhead was going to use my social security number to attempt to file taxes, I wouldn't have moved out of my mom and dad's place two years ago, thus eliminating the dire need for my tax refund.

Going to the Forecastle Festival this year was probably a mistake, but damn it, I didn't know if or when I was going to get the chance see LCD Soundsystem, who are my favorite band of the 21st Century, again. Having no one to meet up and hang out with sucked, and barely having the money to eat or drink anything sucked even more. LCD Soundsystem were great by the way, I just wish the rest of my experience that day came anywhere close to when I went in 2014 to see The Replacements. Seriously, I was so happy to be seeing The Replacements with my two favorite people that if either a ten ton truck or a double decker bus appeared out of nowhere and ran over me, I would've died happy.

I can really only remember two good things happening this year:

1. Getting to see Tears For Fears.
2. Getting to hang out with my brother for the first time in over two and a half years, and seeing U2 with him in Louisville. I wish I could've visited Austin as well.

I have no hope that 41 will be better than 40, but it could be.